Young Liars

In 1978 William Joseph Martin Joel was working on a song. He had the melody, but he couldn't get the lyrics to the chorus just right. What ended up being one of my most oft quoted lyrics started out as "Sodomy, such a lonely word." I guess that rings true for some more then others, but the final recorded version hit the nail on the head

"Honesty, such a lonely word
Everyone is so untrue
Honesty, is hardly ever heard
And mostly what I need from you."

Released in 1979 "Honesty" continued Billy Joel's climb to the top of the pop charts and those words ring even more true today.

Lying is so ingrained in our culture that it is not so easy to recognize. In fact by the time you are reading this you have already told or continued a version of a lie at least 15 times*. Western Culture has made lying an art form. From preachers to politicians to professors - institutions are built on lying. We even take the opportunity to laugh at some of the greatest lies ever. Cheating the Indians out of land with cheap trinkets, the John F Kennedy Assassination, the Vietnam War, "I did not have sexual relations with that woman." We have taken lying to such great heights that it could be argued the only truth that exists is the one you create.

During the lead up to the Iraq War partisan lines were crossed and everyone (save for 21 democrats, 1 republican and 1 independant) voted that we take action against Iraq. Colin Powell Donald Rumsfield, George W Bush and Dick Cheney convinced all of us that Saddam Hussein was a threat and had control of Weapons of Mass Destruction. I watched Colin Powell testify before a committee and swear that there were WMD's in Iraq. Was this a lie? No. This was a collective group deciding what the truth is. We bought in to it and now your children will pay for it dearly. It happens more often then you think.

Of course we couldn't tell that they were lying. They used a mix of mature techniques, including playing on our great fears of another 9/11 (the republicans still use this tactic today). These men were professionals, but the one great chink in their armor was our 43rd President, Mr. George Walker Bush. GDubs, unfortunately, was a Tier 1 liar. The majority of people in the world are Tier 1 liars. Poker players would describe them as having easy "tells." They give themselves away. When George would get flustered he would blink like a traffic light on a Sunday. There is no way that man ever won a staring contest; maybe it was all the cocaine? He was also easily flustered and prone to verbal gaffes. This is not someone you want on your team when you are trying to fleece the American people and the world at large. Tier 1's are shifty, avoid making eye contact, ring their hands, lick their lips, blink, etc. Everyone knows what a Tier 1 liar looks like. The old guard were great liars and so far beyond Bush that they had reached Lying Valhalla, which is when your lies become the truth.

There is a great breadth and level of lies between Valhalla and Tier 1. The most disconcerting is how often and how easy it is to make it to Tier 2. So here are three ways to recognize a bad Tier 2 liar.

1) Unfortunate/Spectacular Events - Bad liars that want to make it to Tier 2 are easily tripped up by their creations. Enigmas, extraordinary events, amazing happenings, unexplained phenomena do not happen in most peoples daily lives. These usually point to a lie, an excuse and an easy way out. They show a bad liar because it is generally hard for the public to accept that they (the lie) happened. See "the dog ate my homework" and "Alien Encounters."

2) Dates/Places - Much like the above, when lies become big and you want them to be true you have to make sure you keep your story straight. Dates and places tripped you up in history class and they will only give your lies more holes then a cheese cloth. If you tell one person that X event happened on this day and when you speak to another person forget your lie, then you have fallen victim to the date/place conundrum and your jig is up.

3) Half Truths - This may be the laziest attempt of a Tier 2 wannabe. The belief by telling half of what is true will make it easier for you is ludicrous and Bush league. The information you leave out is just sitting around somewhere waiting to be found. It must either be destroyed or you need to give your lying skills a workout.

"If everyone lies and creates their own truths, what can we do to stop it?" I am so glad my fingers typed that question! In a proverb probably most famous from Bugs Bunny or some other cartoon character "If you can't beat, them join them." You must embrace the liar within you and become the king of liars. Fight fire with fire. You may be surprised how far you have come already without even knowing it. Here are three steps to becoming a better liar.

1) Get your story straight! - The opposite of #1 & #2 above; getting your story straight is pertinent to every word that comes out of your mouth. You did it for speech class, now you have to do it with a lie - practice, practice, practice. Practice in the mirror, practice on your cat, practice on strangers at the grocery store. Repeating the same story over and over again not only makes your lie bulletproof, it ensures you will have memorized places, dates and removed any superfluous occurrences. The adage "the devil is in the details" has never been more true.

2) Don't Be the sole carrier of information! - An integral part of passing off a lie is telling others and letting them go into the world telling all nations. This way the story only originated from your mouth and like the great stories of old they are able to grow and grow and grow.

3) Believe your own lie! If you think of something and say it, it doesn't necessarily make it true, BUT if you believe and live what your saying then there is no way it is not true. This is used on lie detectors and in court rooms everyday. Is there a way for the truth to get out? Yes of course there is, but not from your mouth. And, if you spend enough time focusing on your lie and ingrain it so deep into your psyche that you start spreading it to others then it becomes a universal truth and you have made it to Liars Valhalla!

Honesty is a lonely word, and while it may be the best policy it's not going to win you any friends. Isn't becoming a better person one of your great goals in life? Think of all the "good" people who lie to you constantly without you knowing it, because their lies have become true.


*all facts and figures are made up